The Unmanageable
LifeWhat brought You to A.A. or a 12 Step
Fellowship?
By
Dick B.
Copyright 2012 Anonymous. All rights
reserved
A Little Chunk of
History For Openers
Some of us get all wrapped up in difficult words when
we enter A.A. or another 12 Step Fellowship. We wonder what in the heck it means
to be "powerless over alcohol." We wonder if our life has truly become
"unmanageable." But a little bit of history might show us how much more simple
the early AAs kept these issues.
Bill Wilson didn't say in his story that he was
powerless over alcohol and that his life had become unmanageable. No sir. He
said, "I was licked." And I could sure relate to that. Then, a bit later when
Bill was writing about what he said were the six word-of-mouth ideas that were
involved in the A.A. program, he said: "We got honest with ourselves." Now
that's a tougher concept to apply or see or accept. But think about it: How
often did I really take an honest look at my drinking to excess. How often did I
look at the shambles my life had become. How often did I even try to link up the
drink with the disaster. The real story involved drink-drunk-disaster. But I
didn't see it that way. I thought drinking was the answer to all my problems.
But drinking wasn't the answer. It was the problem. I
came to A.A. because of problems - not a drinking problem. I was licked, and I
knew it. I soon took an honest look at my life, and I began to see it as an
imponderable mess. AAs though just kept pushing the idea that everything would
get better if I just didn't take the first drink. And that was a tall one! But
some of us began to realize at least that the seemingly unmanageable mess would
never get any better if we continued to souse ourselves with an alcohol remedy.
Finally, a very few of us learned some history of early
A.A.
Early AAs often used a simple prayer that was used in
its predecessor the Oxford Group. They would say: "God manage me because I can't
manage myself." In other words, they didn't quibble over the problems. They just
came to believe that they could be solved if resort were had to the Almighty.
Well that's enough for history.
Now let's look at denial, dishonesty, and
disarray.
What Unmanageable Events Did We
See?
I don't claim that things were the same for all us
newcomers. In fact we were peppered with stories that didn't seem to mesh with
ours. "I'm not like that guy," was a common response. "I never got that bad,"
was another. "Maybe I'm just a loser, and my real problem isn't drinking at
all," could be a supposed way out of any discipline or
treatment.
Yet I think most AAs and members of other fellowships
would concede that many or most of the following tangles had become part of our
lives.
Things weren't going well with the family.
Sure they were all to blame, but how is it that problems with wives, kids,
siblings, aunts and uncles - girlfriends or boyfriends - were getting larger and
large; their warnings and concerns were getting louder and louder; and their
actual assistance in getting us out of messes was really getting smaller and
smaller.
Things weren't going well with the job. Sure
we hadn't necessarily been fired or lost our customers or clients. But somehow
the patience of any or all had been strained and evidently less and less with
each missed appointment, with each fouled up activity, with each angry outburst,
with each fearful approach to the person or the job
itself.
Then there was the dishonesty. Instead of
bragging about how much we drank, it seemed better to cover it up. To buy at
different stores. To drink at different bars. To eat at different restaurants.
To hang out with different people - the ones who drank too much. Maybe there was
even the hiding of the evidence - hiding the extra bottles, placing the
excessive evidence at the bottom of the garbage can, denying the amount we had
to drink, hiding the facts about the people, places, and things that were
becoming a new part of life.
What about the legal problems? The bills that
were not being paid, with the dun-notices that were piling up. The traffic
tickets that really didn't need to be dealt with. The diminishing number of
business and customers leading to debt and thoughts of bankruptcy. The very real
considerations of divorce, loss of child custody, and restraining orders. The
pile-up of tax returns, and the delays in payment of taxes, followed by IRS
activity. Then the real criminal stuff. Drunk driving. Driving without
insurance. Driving without a license. Driving without proper registration.
Driving with open containers. Driving under the influence. Possession. Surely
they weren't just the result of drinking too much, but the events piled
up.
What about ethical problems? The doctor who
commits malpractice. The lawyer who misses court or misrepresents his clients.
The fiduciary who embezzles or falsifies reports. The person who takes bribes.
The person who regularly lies to family, friends, employers, authorities,
courts, doctors, therapists, and businesses.
What about the criminal problems? Were we
embezzling funds, dipping into trust accounts, breaching fiduciary obligations,
cheating people, lying to clients and customers, padding expense accounts,
cheating on tax returns, filing false insurance applications and reports? Oh,
those couldn't be due to alcohol. But isn't it interesting how many of us found
ourselves in just such circumstances. Then the biggies for some: Robbing.
Breaking and entering. Larceny. Assault. Battery. Domestic violence.
Manslaughter and homicide. Messing with under-age children. And just about
anything else that is covered in the penal codes-local, state, and
federal
What about health problems? The liver
disorders. The heart troubles. The falls and fractures. The injuries in fights
or accidents or job-related problems. The vague aches and pains. The
"hangovers." The blackouts - can't find the keys or the car or the house; and
can't remember what was said or done. The confusion and forgetfulness - not
thinking too clearly from time to time. And the ones the doctor warns about -
tremors and physical aberrations.
What about the loneliness, the guilt, the shame,
the anger, the fear, the despair? Long before the judge or the doctor or the
clergyman or the family begins to get the point across, we feel distant,
abandoned, ashamed, sometimes angry, often guilty, filled with fear, and without
friends. If the problems get bad enough, enter despair—thoughts of
suicide.
What about the mental conditions? Depression,
melancholy moods, sleep disorders, manic episodes, brain damage, and more. How
many are seen by the psychiatrist, the psychologist, the counselor, and the
family doctor before finally being sent to or seeking a mental ward or
hospital.
What about the religious consequences? Most of
the scum bag things alcoholics finally do are squarely violative of Biblical
principles, Christian teaching, and even the Ten Commandments. In short, they
are sin! Excessive drinking is a sin. Adultery is a sin. Lying is a sin. And on
and on from there. Sin may be commonplace, but it's still sin - large, small,
hidden, open, productive of harm, or temptingly pleasant and
permissible.
What about the trips to the Emergency Room? To
Juvvie? To court? To jail? To prison? To the Probation or Parole Officer? To the
therapist? Do these have anything to do with
drinking?
Are These Unmanageable Events Tied To
Drinking Too Much
I won't try to claim that every unmanageable event
I've mentioned is the special private property of an alcoholic or addict. I'm
not an expert. And there are plenty of surveys and scholarly papers that deal
with each and every one of the items.
I do know that most of us can sit in an A.A. meeting,
hear the drunkalogs, laugh at the episodes, cry at the disasters, and wonder if
we ever were or could be or are like that. But sooner or later, you begin to
feel at home - if for no other reason than your conclusion that you either did
most of those things, came close to doing them, would be terrified if you did
them, or actually harbor some secret memories of wanting to be in exactly those
spots - without the adverse consequences.
I've sponsored more than 100 men in their recovery.
I've done a Fifth Step with my first sponsor, listened to his shortcomings, and
shared mine. And I saw far more similarities than differences in conduct - even
though we were poles apart in education, vocation, age, family background,
religious beliefs, and so on. Then when I did the Fifth Steps with the men I
sponsored—many of whom were 40 years younger than I - I concluded that their
traits, their adventures, their troubles, their disasters, and their stories
were really quite similar to mine in the most important area—they were drinking
or drugging related. I saw that in Fifth Steps. I heard that in drunkalogs. I
read that in the Big Book and its stories. I discussed it with hundreds of AAs.
I studied it in the classic books by alcoholics. I saw it in the movies about
alcoholism. I heard it in the treatment center. I heard it in the VA Psych Ward
in San Francisco. I heard it in the State Prison at Vacaville. And I hear about
it by phone, by letter, and by email almost every day
today.
You Can't Change The Alcoholic. But
The Alcoholic Can. And God Can
I've found nothing in the Bible that suggests that
living outside the law, outside the Bible, outside the teachings of Christ, and
in the devil's workshop of sin produces anything consistent with God’s will or
with the prosperous and healthy life He clearly wants us to have. I've found
lots to suggest that those who don't become born again of God's spirit can
expect a hot time on the return of Jesus Christ. I've found lots to prove that
those who obeyed God received His forgiveness, His healings, His deliverance,
His comfort and love, His kindness, His consolation, and His everlasting promise
of spending eternity with Him and His son, as well as utilizing His power and
guidance to live an abundant life right here and now.
There's nothing in my A.A. experience to suggest that
hammering an alcoholic with evidence of his drinking or preaching to him about
the extent of his sins or calling his attention to the self-destructive hole he
has dug for himself will cause him to do an about face and change. There's
substantial evidence, however, that you can bring him to examine his drinking,
his sins, and his disasters and mismanagement when you share your own and show
you understand the relevance of drinking and overcame seemingly insurmountable
problems, including excessive drinking, by turning to our Creator for help.
Alcoholics used to listen to their brothers during
their early hospitalization and received daily visits by the pioneers.
Alcoholics used to listen to Dr. Bob when he spent hours at the hospital talking
to them. We now know from the long missing interview with Dr. Bob in 1939 that
Bob read the Bible with the newcomer while he was hospitalized. Alcoholics knew
they were among people who had shared their misery, mismanagement, and despair
and come out ahead of the game. Just don't drink, they were told. Stay away from
temptation, they were warned. Surrender your life to God's care and direction
and trust Him, they were advised. Love and service! Those were the challenging
instructions. And get out there in the trenches and bring to others the message
of how much God loves us and will take care of us when we seek first the Kingdom
of God and His righteousness. I've seen it work, and it's worked for
me.
The Unmanageable Life Pointed Me To
A.A. And God
The Bible recounts over and over that when "the poor
man cried, the Lord (YAHWEH) heard him and delivered him from all his troubles."
That's what I wanted. I wasn't thinking about drinking. And I didn't drink. But
I sure was thinking of getting out of the mess I had made of my life, and I
never harbored the idea that quitting drinking and going to A.A. meetings would
do the job. Before long, I knew I needed God's help for all of it. I sought it,
and I received it! So can you.
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